little.....then big.

I have been thinking about where I am from alot these days.My partner just got some family names, new to us to research.
I myself know quite a bit about my heritage, and my early life which I have many memories of.

I was born in Clearwater BC on Round Top Boogie, the land my parents loved more than any. They named it this because of the huge round hill behing our barn shack, and yes we boogied!!!!

My Dad and his brother built a old barn into the sweetest home I have lived in. I knew both sides of my family, but it appeared my parents were the black sheep kids in their families, and I did not get to know everyone until much later...........fast forward
a bit. Living in Vancouver, left with a painter friend, ended up in Nelson BC after taking a wrong turn and going over a de-commisssioned forest service road that had a sign sayin gas in the next town, (this sign was more than likely from 60 -70 years ago so we dodged left. Anyway, after getting over this road (very symbolic) we get to this freekin pixie land river side France looking scene with a huge book, vitamins and wine. The book's front page wrote: Congratulations, You made it now celebrate your life!. Indeed we did and rolled into my new home of Nelson BC the next morning. I did not know my connection to this place, let alone even really like this place. I meet my match (my now husband) end up shacking up, call my grandma one day whom as I mentioned before I did not really stay in contact with. At this time Mark my husband and I were living in the last wild west town their is, the town of YMIR BC (where we later got married in a lawless turn of the century wedding in the old church and stayed in the last standing whore house!!! ) This is a town of about 150 people at large.
I told Joan my grandma and she flipped. Her great-grand- daddy came from Seville Spain and settled in YMIR BC. Well holy shit. Not only did they settle but the owned the biggest mines in the west at that time and helped build Ymir and Nelson
I am 5th generation Kootanay and had no idea!!! Somehow we got here and somehow I have been here 8 years.....
I found the Love of my life here, I found my blood, My DNA, my roots before Round Top Boogie, before Ken and Becky made me, before the 60's when my parents cracked open the norm and for a brief moment changed the paradigm of reality
So to this day, I walk past buildings that were built by my family, somedays, I go down to whats left of the what used to be bustling railway station and imagine what it looked like when the arrived. Canoes along the shore from local Sinixt natives. They burned the whole perimeter of the their new town, and there was a lovely paddleboat going up and down the lake daily
These pictures are from my Dad. I especially love the outfit number here!! Oh bieng 10 in 1990!!!

new dresses!! more sun!! my baby went into surgery!!

Weelllllll, it has been a crazy past couple of days, crazy studio fun, serious moments (personal shit!) and my dear second born child (OSI my cat) having to get surgery for a abcess wound.This was really heartwrenching for me and very emotional, i have been playing nurse and staying home most of today after making the Toula-la dress which you can check out on elysiumdesign.etsy.com.Ok heres my dresses and my poor baby OSI ( means joy in Tanzanian)

are hours getting longer or shorter???

Reality is my playland of creation.The unleashing of imagination and what reality is, to you, me, as a colllective, as indigenous,or cultural groups etc. My reality has been pretty interesting.
There is alot of quiet, strong moments of strength these days. I have also really been prasing what I had and grieving for my losses. In a energetical puke! Or a quiet penetration of the wind, or what my dad used to say; sometimes you need to be like a sand piper who knows when to retreat befor the ocean tide comes in. I feel like I may have withdrawn to protect my creative flow.Things were feeling too external, and had to balance some things out. By doing so I have been very unavailable and pretty one track minded make art=sell art=eat=make love to my husband=make art=sell art=eat=sleep!!!!
It has been just over 5 years since I lost my Mom and best friend. Just now can I say that I am alright, back to work, making pretty things again. Just now can I praise the memories that I got to share. My sewing started with my Mom. She was a rad seamstress always wanting me to pay attention. I on the other hand was into horses and a fixation with Tattooing ( daddy!)
When we where finished chemo, and the full body blood and marrow transplant we were going to start a business together, she sews, I sell
When she passed I inherited her studio, and discovered making table napkins, then t shirt surgery and the rest is history (from dishwashing to owning my own business)
Every peice is a internal homage to her, our plans, my unknown fate of designing clothes
( i have a debt from going to film school????)
Hence realities changing, I nevr thought I would feel very much again, you know? just devastated. Whats girl to do without her Mom at 23???
Well I got my shit together and stopped sucking on the liquor, spending alot of time with my now qiuetened mind and did the freekin work!!
NOW is beautiful
NOW I feel alive
NOW can create again
NOW my reality has changed.
My heart is healed and beat normally.
I will never forget ALL the time we spent together FOREVER!!!
Here is some documentaion of my days.......


finding beauty on a rainy day,new studio,etc...

everything is new

I am back.....It has been a crazy,confusing,challenging and busy month, here is what changed...............
1. First of the celebration of light returning,green spouts,and new flower buds.Breathing this in has calmed me down
2.I can admit I need time to make music, and paint, not just sew all the time.My old band members went on a big tour, and it stirred up old feelings and goals about music, and I bought the most lovely Nathan Bartley painting that inspires me when I am dozy and waking up!
3.I realized I need more anonimity in my immediate surroundings.....time to think bigger, and out of the Nelson vortex
4.Realized that my regular fabric orders are soooo not enough, whicj is great right!!!Buuuut I live 8 hours from dressew in vancouver.Ugh!!
5.This is the big, BIG one!. I got a new studio space.I wasnt looking, but it came to me, and it is right.
I am gone from downtown and luvin it. I really needed this change to give me focus, and spring stimulation.It was annoying process of trying to figure out 2 years of my shit and about 7 other passer by tenants, and all the leftovers from arshows and parties! whew!! glad i is done.
6. THE NEW SPACE........here it is kids!!!